I spend a lot of time worrying. I worry about things that are out of my control. I worry about things that haven't even happened and will probably never happen. The thing is...I let it consume me. I live with a huge question mark in my brain thinking of questions and all of them start with, "What if...?" It's funny how no matter how much I worry and ask the "what if" questions, I never come up with an answer or a solution. Worrying is essentially useless, but we all do it. Some of us more than others.
I think there are several reasons for my exhaustive worrying. I am sure I worry to trick myself into thinking that if I worry enough, then I will be mentally and emotionally prepared in case the worse-case-scenario happens. But, it doesn't work that way. Because even if the worse-case-scenario happens in my current situation, I will still be devastated, no matter how much I worry about it in advance. Basically, I just don't want the worse-case-scenario to happen. Maybe if I worry enough, the situation will turn itself around. Unfortunately for me, that is out of my hands. I am sure that I worry to make myself feel like I have some control over the situation at hand. That surely doesn't help because in this situation, I am not the one that controls the outcome.
So, what do I do? I know, take it one day at time, stay positive. That is easier said than done. My extremely optimistic and positive husband helps me get through each day. We are looking forward to our appointment with the High Risk Doctor on Tuesday morning. Things are looking good as of right now because the bleeding has stopped for almost 2 days. Although this is great news, I will continue to worry. And don't you worry, if I didn't have this going on, I would surely find something else to worry about!
"Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere." ~Glenn Turner
Much Love,
Lindsay and Brian
Friday, June 27, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
As if I don't have enough worry warts already!
As you know, Brian and I are expecting our first child this December 18th-ish. We are so thrilled for this gift and are trying to do everything "by the book." While we have been doing everything our Doctor suggests, surprises seem to pop up anyway. A quote from the movie, Dan in Real Life, seems to sum it up, “Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised.” Yep, surprises pop up for all us and as much as we try to plan, plan, plan, it seems the only one constant in our lives is that surprises are one thing we can always count on. It's uncanny how these surprises seem to pop up right when we thought we had it all worked out.
Brian and I were so relieved to make it through the first trimester of this pregnancy without any problems. I was ready to celebrate! We made it to 12 weeks, then 13 and then 14! I was well into my second trimester, feeling tired (as pregnant people do) but felt a huge sense of accomplishment and relief. I was thinking, "Wow, I can finally relax. The chance of miscarriage at this point is under 10%." So, right as I am feeling nice and relaxed......everything changes.
Here comes life's surprise curve ball.....I start to bleed. As I rush to the bathroom and see the large amount of blood, I call Brian who is in Denver traveling on business. I tried to tell him in between hyperventilating that there was blood. He called my sister, Lesley, she came right over in a flash. Actually, so fast that she didn't even have a chance to put a bra on! We rushed to the ER and had an Ultrasound. I was able to take a deep breath...we were filled with relief, the baby was fine. It actually had the hiccups and was wiggling all over the place. Unfortunately, the bleeding was due to a Subchorionic hemorrhage. A small part of the placenta had torn away from the uterine lining. The good news is the baby's heartbeat is strong and my cervix is still closed. So, now one of a few things can happen.
1. My body heals the tear on its own, I stop bleeding and go on to have a normal pregnancy. Vote for this one!
2. The tear does not heal itself, but also does not get much larger. I continue to bleed through out the rest of my pregnancy, until I deliver. This could mean pre-mature labor and low birth weight.
3. The placenta tears completley away from the uterine lining and I miscarry. This is the worst-case-scenario.
I am now considered a "High Risk Pregnancy" and will see a Perinatal Specialist in the next week. They will monitor the size of the tear which will hopefully get smaller. I am not on bed-rest, so that is good news. Although, I have taken the last two days off of work, awake with worry all night (late night TV sucks) and asleep during the day (daytime TV sucks).
So, now it is a game of what the Doctors call "Wait and See". If you know me at all, you know this is one of my least favorite games. Not only is my anxiety level peaking at its max, I also have no control over the outcome. So, the universe is telling me I must let go, relax (does anyone have any instructions on that?) and give my body a chance to try and heal this tear.
We will keep you posted on this wonderful adventure (can you hear the sarcasm?) they call Pregnancy.
Much Love,
Lindsay and Brian
Brian and I were so relieved to make it through the first trimester of this pregnancy without any problems. I was ready to celebrate! We made it to 12 weeks, then 13 and then 14! I was well into my second trimester, feeling tired (as pregnant people do) but felt a huge sense of accomplishment and relief. I was thinking, "Wow, I can finally relax. The chance of miscarriage at this point is under 10%." So, right as I am feeling nice and relaxed......everything changes.
Here comes life's surprise curve ball.....I start to bleed. As I rush to the bathroom and see the large amount of blood, I call Brian who is in Denver traveling on business. I tried to tell him in between hyperventilating that there was blood. He called my sister, Lesley, she came right over in a flash. Actually, so fast that she didn't even have a chance to put a bra on! We rushed to the ER and had an Ultrasound. I was able to take a deep breath...we were filled with relief, the baby was fine. It actually had the hiccups and was wiggling all over the place. Unfortunately, the bleeding was due to a Subchorionic hemorrhage. A small part of the placenta had torn away from the uterine lining. The good news is the baby's heartbeat is strong and my cervix is still closed. So, now one of a few things can happen.
1. My body heals the tear on its own, I stop bleeding and go on to have a normal pregnancy. Vote for this one!
2. The tear does not heal itself, but also does not get much larger. I continue to bleed through out the rest of my pregnancy, until I deliver. This could mean pre-mature labor and low birth weight.
3. The placenta tears completley away from the uterine lining and I miscarry. This is the worst-case-scenario.
I am now considered a "High Risk Pregnancy" and will see a Perinatal Specialist in the next week. They will monitor the size of the tear which will hopefully get smaller. I am not on bed-rest, so that is good news. Although, I have taken the last two days off of work, awake with worry all night (late night TV sucks) and asleep during the day (daytime TV sucks).
So, now it is a game of what the Doctors call "Wait and See". If you know me at all, you know this is one of my least favorite games. Not only is my anxiety level peaking at its max, I also have no control over the outcome. So, the universe is telling me I must let go, relax (does anyone have any instructions on that?) and give my body a chance to try and heal this tear.
We will keep you posted on this wonderful adventure (can you hear the sarcasm?) they call Pregnancy.
Much Love,
Lindsay and Brian
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
