Beans...Beans...Beans

We had our 20 week ultrasound this morning with our high risk doctor. The good news is that it looks like the tear or separation has remedied itself, so I should not have any more bleeding. However, it did lead to an excess amount of tissue to grow within the gestational sac. This extra tissue is considered to be a ledge or shelf of tissue (where else is he/she supposed to display their trophies?). It is a bit tricky to visualize, so stay with me. Imagine a jelly bean or kidney bean (gestational sac) lying on its side, horizontally. Imagine a vertical line from top to bottom on the last third of the bean. Although this line (shelf) extends from top to bottom (vertically) it does not extend from front to back. This is what makes it a shelf-like structure with a base and a free edge. Who can blame the baby for compartmentalizing the place?

The baby is currently residing most of its body within the larger two-thirds of the bean and can still make use of the other third of space within the bean. Limbs can reach over the shelf to the other side to stretch out. The problem with this shelf is in the later months it may prevent the baby from flipping around to its “head down” position in preparation for birth. The baby is currently in breech (side lying) position and if the shelf gets in the way of the baby flipping, I may have to have a planned C-Section.

The Doctor spent some time explaining to us that this is different from Amniotic Band Syndrome, which is a wall of tissue that completely cuts off part of the bean. He told me to be careful when researching on the internet because when people do have Amniotic Band Syndrome (which I do not) the baby can get body parts enmeshed or tangled in the tissue which can lead to amputation of that part or limb. It has never happened that a baby has gotten any limbs or body parts caught within shelf-like tissue due to the small size of the shelf. So, I should breathe deep and be careful of what I read.

So, here we are again asking, “What does all that mean?” It means more of my favorite game of “wait and see”! There is nothing we can do in the meantime. The baby may be able to flip around or may not. We see the high risk doctor again on September 8. I swear, this pregnancy is really testing me! Or, maybe our baby is already teaching me life lessons about patience, faith and not sweating the small stuff.

Somewhere....over the rainbow

Nothing is new on the internal workings of my pregnancy this week, so I have had time to conjure up a whole new set of things to occupy my mind.

As you may be able to tell from my picture, my belly popped. With this new and exciting time, come a whole new slew of complaints, questions, realizations and wonders that I so lovingly and constantly share with Brian. There are the obvious ones, such as, “I have nothing to wear,” to “Okay, really, how big am I going to get?” Then there is, “I wonder if I am going to get that dark, vertical line (linea negra) on my belly that makes me look like a teddy bear?” and “Do you think people can tell I am pregnant or do they think I have just gained weight?” Then, of course there is, “Holy crap*, there is a baby coming in a couple of months!”

Although I have been quite aware that a baby is coming into our lives in December, it seemed so surreal, until now. I have become a bit overwhelmed. I know you are thinking, “What would a well adjusted, stress-free, go with the flow person like Lindsay do in a situation where she is overwhelmed?” (Luckily, I can make fun of myself) Well, I organize! I started making lists and delegating tasks. I have a list of what needs to be done around the house before this baby comes. Brian is thrilled by my lists (wow, the sarcasm is dripping off of that statement). I have even color-coded Brian’s task list in red, orange and yellow in case he gets confused regarding what the top priorities are. By the way, I wanted them all done yesterday. No room for error, right? Oh, except for the fact that Brian is ready to commit me and my rainbow colored lists.

Most women know that pregnancy does strange things to your body and your mind. In this case, it has merely made me crazy. I know I am not the only crazy pregnant lady out there. We come from all walks of life and we are not few and far between. But, I am pretty sure that I am the only crazy pregnant lady who has color-coded her husband’s Honey-Do list. At least I hope so.

Linds

*Clearly edited.

Trains and lightbulbs...

I get it. I really get it. I know that I am not in control of what is happening and I have accepted that (as much as I can, at least). So far, I thought that was it. I thought now I have to deal with all this, poor me, I have no choice. What I didn’t realize is that I am in control. Not in the sense of controlling what is happening to me, but very much so in how I respond to the situation. I do have control over my thoughts and that is what I have to change. As you may have figured out by now, I really like quoting quotes. This one changed it all for me, As soon as you accept the idea that you are in control of your thoughts you will be able to create your own happiness. - Lucy MacDonald. There you go, how easy was that?

So, I will not continue to play the “why me?” card. I will not allow the “negative thought trains” (thanks, Julie!) into the train station that resides within my head. I will take control of my thoughts by being aware of what trains enter and which ones are banned from the station for bringing trouble. This is what will help change my attitude. Most of all, I will have faith. This situation may be out of my hands, but I am putting it in the hands of somebody much bigger and stronger than me – and that feels good.

I guess you can’t believe that it took me almost 30 years to figure out that I have been in control of situations since the beginning. I just couldn’t see the forest from the trees (there I go again). Well, I never said I was a fast learner. Like any other stubborn person out there, I have to figure things out my own way, on my own time. Only then will I have what Oprah calls, the light bulb moment!

By the way, I have had a little more bleeding, but it is considered "old" blood because of the color. The Doctor says that this blood needs to either be reabsorbed by my body or come out. According to the Doctor, it is great news that it is not fresh blood. Guess it must be me shedding the "old" me and my negative thoughts...

Much Love....Linds

Take a deep breath..but not too deep......

We had our appointment this morning with the Perinatologist, Dr. McCulloch. First, we had an Ultrasound which looked great. The baby was moving around and the heartbeat was strong. The growth is fantastic and the baby is measuring a day ahead of schedule (what a little go-getter we have). This ultrasound was special because we got to see the entire spinal cord, the brain and even the individual toes and fingers. What a sense of relief! Once the Doc came in he did another quick Ultrasound to measure the "tear". What we thought was a tear is actually more of a separation of layers. A small separating of the chorion (the outermost of the two fetal membranes) and the amnion (the innermost), which together surround the fetus. The chorion develops villi (vascular fingers) and gives rise to the placenta. Think of the layers of an onion, but much thicker, almost leather-like. When women have a CVS (chorion villus sampling) test done during their pregnancy, the Doctor inserts a needle through the abdomen to gather the villi which can tell the mother-to-be of any genetic complications. I did not get this done, but thought I would mention it since you may be familiar with the term chorian.

So, where does this leave us? The Doctor could not tell if there was blood pooling in the area in between the two layers. The only way to know would be to poke around and see for himself, which he was not willing to do because that could cause major complications. He felt that since I was not bleeding or cramping and the baby was growing ahead of schedule that these positives outweigh the small separation of layers issue. He suggested that I stop Pilates, not lift anything over 10 lbs and take it easy. I will see him again on the 29th of July for another Ultrasound and we will go from there.

For now he told us to breathe easy and relax. I'll breathe, but I won't take too deep of a breath (the forever pessimist)! Brian, of course, feels that we are out of the woods and good to go (the forever optimist). Although this is good news, I am unsure of how I feel. I am a very black and white person and this seems to have gray all over it. I wanted to go in and come out with a definitive answer, "Yes, Lindsay the tear has gone away and you have nothing to worry about", or "No, the tear is larger and this is what we are going to do to fix it." So, we continue to play my least favorite game of "wait and see."

Thank you so much for your love, support, prayers and positive thoughts! We appreciate it immensely.

Love,
Linds and Brian