Thirty

I am SO much happier about achieving the 30 weeks pregnant milestone tomorrow than I was about hitting the 30 years old milestone this past August. Interesting how the number thirty can bring on such opposite emotions.

Now that I am a woman entering into my thirties in more ways than just one, a change has occurred; I have become emotional and even….sentimental. Most people would not describe me as mushy or sappy. I wouldn’t even describe myself that way, until yesterday. While driving to the Doctor yesterday, I started crying - singing the lyrics to a song.

I am not musically inclined and I don’t even know how to sing in tune, but I do know the lyrics to most songs (and I sound great singing them in the car – by myself). Of all the mushy songs out there the one that got to me was Five for Fighting’s, “100 Years.” The song tells a story about how fast life can pass you by in a moment. It goes through the various ups and downs and stages of life from being a teenager, to meeting your true love, getting married and starting a family, mid-life crisis’, reflection of your life and finally death. The song implies that life is a balance of wonderful moments that take our breath away combined with heartbreaking moments that leave us walking on unstable ground.

As I was singing the song, I started thinking about how Brian and I are so lucky right now to be right in the middle of one of the most monumental times in our life together. I began to recall my own rocky moments in the past and the strength it took to overcome them. I started thinking that I am so excited to become a mother. And then it hit me, OMG, I am going to be a Mom. And then, OMG, I don’t want my child to ever have to experience any of life’s low blows.

I began to start to understand the meaning of the quote, “Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body” - Elizabeth Stone. What a gift it is that I get to experience another life in such close proximity of my own. It must be heartbreaking and so difficult to eventually let go and allow your child to grow up and experience life’s journey from the sidelines. But, I also know that, like the song mentions, life is a combo plan of joyful and sorrowful moments. That is what makes it all so worth it.

So, maybe turning thirty isn’t so horrific. “100 Years” implies that I am not even 1/3 of the way through life’s journey. But, luckily I am 3/4 of the way through this pregnancy.