I was reflecting this morning as I awoke at 10 a.m. (I hear that I won’t be sleeping that late EVER again) I had several thoughts back to the day I found out I was pregnant. Brian had just left for work and I decided that I should take a pregnancy test. I took the test with an extremely pessimistic attitude and then the second line appeared. I was in shock. I kept thinking to myself, how in the heck did that happen? It is so funny how you “try” to get pregnant and then when it happens and it is still a total surprise!
I have a feeling that actually meeting the baby for the first time is kind of the same feeling. I know there is a baby in my belly that I have been carrying and I know that I will meet this baby tomorrow, yet I have a feeling that we will be in complete awe when this baby comes out! That we will be thinking all over again, how in the heck did that happen?
Brian and I are super excited, a little nervous and whole bunch scared. That is the recipe for first time parents, I suspect.
I would like to thank all of you for joining me in my adventures in pregnancy. It was fun, scary, nerve wrecking, emotional and most of all a lovely experience to share with you. We are so lucky to be surrounded by so much love. The positive attitudes, comments and encouragement from all of our friends and family made this journey so much more enjoyable for us. So, Brian and I would like to thank you for already playing such an amazing role in Baby Perla’s arrival!
Brian thinks that he will have a lot of spare time (?), so he asked that I forward on some of the ways he plans to keep you up to date on our new adventures:
Microblogging my thoughts and events - http://twitter.com/oneeyebri
Facebook - www.facebook.com
Photos - http://www.flickr.com/photos/oneeyebri/
Video - http://www.vimeo.com/oneeeyebri/
You’ll be hearing from us soon!!!!
Much Love,
Linds
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Surreality
T minus 15 days!
As I walk through my days leading up to Baby Perla’s arrival in a dreamlike, yet anxious state, I still can’t believe that this is going to happen. Logically, my brain understands that a baby will be making its way, kicking and screaming into our family very soon. But, emotionally I can’t help but feel that I will pregnant for…ev…er. Being pregnant becomes such a way of life that it is hard to remember what life was like pre-pregnancy.
The thing is, mentally or emotionally ready, this baby is coming – soon. I asked a friend of mine who recently had a baby what the biggest change was in her life. Her response was simple, she said she had no idea what she worried or thought about before her baby arrived. Nothing else seems to matter as much anymore, except for her baby’s well being. It is ironic how right now I can’t imagine not being pregnant, but in two short weeks, I will not be able to imagine my life the way it is right now. Life sure is complicated.
Anyway, just an update, Brian and I visited the High Risk Doc yesterday for our last Ultrasound. Baby Perla is not budging and is still in the breech position. The dreaded “shelf” is still obstructing its ability to move into the “head down” position. We are still on schedule for a C Section on December 10.
Enjoy your Thanksgiving and please be jealous of the fact that I will be wearing pants with an elastic band.
As I walk through my days leading up to Baby Perla’s arrival in a dreamlike, yet anxious state, I still can’t believe that this is going to happen. Logically, my brain understands that a baby will be making its way, kicking and screaming into our family very soon. But, emotionally I can’t help but feel that I will pregnant for…ev…er. Being pregnant becomes such a way of life that it is hard to remember what life was like pre-pregnancy.
The thing is, mentally or emotionally ready, this baby is coming – soon. I asked a friend of mine who recently had a baby what the biggest change was in her life. Her response was simple, she said she had no idea what she worried or thought about before her baby arrived. Nothing else seems to matter as much anymore, except for her baby’s well being. It is ironic how right now I can’t imagine not being pregnant, but in two short weeks, I will not be able to imagine my life the way it is right now. Life sure is complicated.
Anyway, just an update, Brian and I visited the High Risk Doc yesterday for our last Ultrasound. Baby Perla is not budging and is still in the breech position. The dreaded “shelf” is still obstructing its ability to move into the “head down” position. We are still on schedule for a C Section on December 10.
Enjoy your Thanksgiving and please be jealous of the fact that I will be wearing pants with an elastic band.
Friday, November 7, 2008
The Roo Theory
The countdown to Baby Perla’s highly anticipated arrival is closing in! Unless Baby Perla is an expert gymnast and can somersault its way through the obstacle course into the “head down” position, the C Section date is set for Dec.10. That is under 5 weeks away!
I am at the point right now where I want this baby out of me, yesterday. I am uncomfortable all the time, I lost count at how many times I get up to go to the bathroom each night and my hips feel like they are going to dislodge from my pelvis. As much as I complain about how uncomfortable I am and how I so want to be done being pregnant, I can’t help but think that my life will never be this easy again – ever.
Let me explain. Right now, Baby Perla goes everywhere I go; we’re a package “Kangaroo-like” deal. I don’t have to worry about packing a bag each time we leave the house. I don’t have to think about bundling a baby up each time we go anywhere. The baby is warm, quiet, happy, quiet and content inside the womb, did I mention quiet? My body feeds the baby on its own. I can go to work, go shopping and go to Doctor appointments with ease (except getting in and out of the car). Once Baby Perla arrives, he/she will still be going everywhere with me, but with much more gear, equipment and difficulty!
Although my everyday life has not changed much, it will in a few short weeks. I am okay with that, in fact, I can’t wait for it all to change. Yes, some things will be more challenging then they are now. My life will be completely turned upside down. I am a creature of habit, so all my routines will go out the window. But, what other time in life can you be so excited for your life to change so drastically?
Although parts of my everyday life may be simple right now, I am aware that it will all change. And that is okay because something is missing right now from our family. That something will make its entrance into my and Brian's life and fill every ounce of our hearts with love.
I am at the point right now where I want this baby out of me, yesterday. I am uncomfortable all the time, I lost count at how many times I get up to go to the bathroom each night and my hips feel like they are going to dislodge from my pelvis. As much as I complain about how uncomfortable I am and how I so want to be done being pregnant, I can’t help but think that my life will never be this easy again – ever.
Let me explain. Right now, Baby Perla goes everywhere I go; we’re a package “Kangaroo-like” deal. I don’t have to worry about packing a bag each time we leave the house. I don’t have to think about bundling a baby up each time we go anywhere. The baby is warm, quiet, happy, quiet and content inside the womb, did I mention quiet? My body feeds the baby on its own. I can go to work, go shopping and go to Doctor appointments with ease (except getting in and out of the car). Once Baby Perla arrives, he/she will still be going everywhere with me, but with much more gear, equipment and difficulty!
Although my everyday life has not changed much, it will in a few short weeks. I am okay with that, in fact, I can’t wait for it all to change. Yes, some things will be more challenging then they are now. My life will be completely turned upside down. I am a creature of habit, so all my routines will go out the window. But, what other time in life can you be so excited for your life to change so drastically?
Although parts of my everyday life may be simple right now, I am aware that it will all change. And that is okay because something is missing right now from our family. That something will make its entrance into my and Brian's life and fill every ounce of our hearts with love.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Thirty
I am SO much happier about achieving the 30 weeks pregnant milestone tomorrow than I was about hitting the 30 years old milestone this past August. Interesting how the number thirty can bring on such opposite emotions.
Now that I am a woman entering into my thirties in more ways than just one, a change has occurred; I have become emotional and even….sentimental. Most people would not describe me as mushy or sappy. I wouldn’t even describe myself that way, until yesterday. While driving to the Doctor yesterday, I started crying - singing the lyrics to a song.
I am not musically inclined and I don’t even know how to sing in tune, but I do know the lyrics to most songs (and I sound great singing them in the car – by myself). Of all the mushy songs out there the one that got to me was Five for Fighting’s, “100 Years.” The song tells a story about how fast life can pass you by in a moment. It goes through the various ups and downs and stages of life from being a teenager, to meeting your true love, getting married and starting a family, mid-life crisis’, reflection of your life and finally death. The song implies that life is a balance of wonderful moments that take our breath away combined with heartbreaking moments that leave us walking on unstable ground.
As I was singing the song, I started thinking about how Brian and I are so lucky right now to be right in the middle of one of the most monumental times in our life together. I began to recall my own rocky moments in the past and the strength it took to overcome them. I started thinking that I am so excited to become a mother. And then it hit me, OMG, I am going to be a Mom. And then, OMG, I don’t want my child to ever have to experience any of life’s low blows.
I began to start to understand the meaning of the quote, “Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body” - Elizabeth Stone. What a gift it is that I get to experience another life in such close proximity of my own. It must be heartbreaking and so difficult to eventually let go and allow your child to grow up and experience life’s journey from the sidelines. But, I also know that, like the song mentions, life is a combo plan of joyful and sorrowful moments. That is what makes it all so worth it.
So, maybe turning thirty isn’t so horrific. “100 Years” implies that I am not even 1/3 of the way through life’s journey. But, luckily I am 3/4 of the way through this pregnancy.
Now that I am a woman entering into my thirties in more ways than just one, a change has occurred; I have become emotional and even….sentimental. Most people would not describe me as mushy or sappy. I wouldn’t even describe myself that way, until yesterday. While driving to the Doctor yesterday, I started crying - singing the lyrics to a song.
I am not musically inclined and I don’t even know how to sing in tune, but I do know the lyrics to most songs (and I sound great singing them in the car – by myself). Of all the mushy songs out there the one that got to me was Five for Fighting’s, “100 Years.” The song tells a story about how fast life can pass you by in a moment. It goes through the various ups and downs and stages of life from being a teenager, to meeting your true love, getting married and starting a family, mid-life crisis’, reflection of your life and finally death. The song implies that life is a balance of wonderful moments that take our breath away combined with heartbreaking moments that leave us walking on unstable ground.
As I was singing the song, I started thinking about how Brian and I are so lucky right now to be right in the middle of one of the most monumental times in our life together. I began to recall my own rocky moments in the past and the strength it took to overcome them. I started thinking that I am so excited to become a mother. And then it hit me, OMG, I am going to be a Mom. And then, OMG, I don’t want my child to ever have to experience any of life’s low blows.
I began to start to understand the meaning of the quote, “Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body” - Elizabeth Stone. What a gift it is that I get to experience another life in such close proximity of my own. It must be heartbreaking and so difficult to eventually let go and allow your child to grow up and experience life’s journey from the sidelines. But, I also know that, like the song mentions, life is a combo plan of joyful and sorrowful moments. That is what makes it all so worth it.
So, maybe turning thirty isn’t so horrific. “100 Years” implies that I am not even 1/3 of the way through life’s journey. But, luckily I am 3/4 of the way through this pregnancy.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Top 10 Things I Now Find Amusing/Hilarious
10. I don’t have the same clearance when opening a door that swings towards me; I end up hitting my belly every time.
9. Everyone stares at my belly when I go shopping.
8. I can be crabby and get away with it.
7. I can eat what I want and get away with it.
6. Placing a remote on my belly when the baby is kicking and seeing it fly onto the couch.
5. Knowing that men would completely fail at being pregnant.
4. My Pregnancy Water Aerobics Class. Enough said.
3. Shaving in the shower. Thank God no one ever has to see that. Remove mental picture.
2. Walking through tight spaces “sideways” doesn’t have the same outcome it used to.
1. Instead of buying maternity “high cut briefs” I should have just borrowed my grandma’s underwear.
9. Everyone stares at my belly when I go shopping.
8. I can be crabby and get away with it.
7. I can eat what I want and get away with it.
6. Placing a remote on my belly when the baby is kicking and seeing it fly onto the couch.
5. Knowing that men would completely fail at being pregnant.
4. My Pregnancy Water Aerobics Class. Enough said.
3. Shaving in the shower. Thank God no one ever has to see that. Remove mental picture.
2. Walking through tight spaces “sideways” doesn’t have the same outcome it used to.
1. Instead of buying maternity “high cut briefs” I should have just borrowed my grandma’s underwear.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Something like a Phenomenon
Strange things are happening to me and my body. Some of them, for my male reader’s sake, I will not go into any great detail. Trust me; you don’t want to know some of the crazy things that happen to a women’s body during pregnancy. This ignorance may get you into trouble though!
Yesterday, a few minutes after eating an enormous size piece of cake covered in delicious frosting I started feeling the “kung fu kicking” I have been experiencing. This time the kicks were more rapid and stronger than ever before. I swear the baby was having a sugar seizure! I looked down at my torso and it was actually moving and twitching, on the outside.
Being the very coy and shy person that I am, I raced over to my co-workers to show them my new party trick. Interestingly enough, I was met with different reactions by my male and female co-workers. One male co-worker nicely stated that my stomach moving like that looks like some, “Circus Side Freak Show Stuff.” Another male thought it was one of the coolest things he has ever seen, after explaining to him that I was NOT making it move on my own (I wish my abs were that strong).
The females, of course had different reactions. Some were recalling stories of their own pregnancies. Others were asking if they could place their hand on my stomach to feel the movement.
Although everyone was sharing in my excitement (clearly in their own way) about my new party trick, it was so fascinating how different the males and females reacted from each other. Learning this among the many, many other things I have learned through out this pregnancy is that men will NEVER understand what women go through in pregnancy.
On a side note, we saw the high risk Doctor a few weeks back. Everything looks great! Baby Perla is still in the breech position and may or may not be able to turn to the “head down” position due to the “shelf” in the sac. The C-section decision will be made around the 35-36 week mark, depending on if Baby Perla has been able to turn or not. If a C-section is the route we have to go, it will be scheduled about 1 week before my actual due date. We will go back to the high risk Doctor in a few weeks for another Ultrasound and to see what the baby has been up to!
Yesterday, a few minutes after eating an enormous size piece of cake covered in delicious frosting I started feeling the “kung fu kicking” I have been experiencing. This time the kicks were more rapid and stronger than ever before. I swear the baby was having a sugar seizure! I looked down at my torso and it was actually moving and twitching, on the outside.
Being the very coy and shy person that I am, I raced over to my co-workers to show them my new party trick. Interestingly enough, I was met with different reactions by my male and female co-workers. One male co-worker nicely stated that my stomach moving like that looks like some, “Circus Side Freak Show Stuff.” Another male thought it was one of the coolest things he has ever seen, after explaining to him that I was NOT making it move on my own (I wish my abs were that strong).
The females, of course had different reactions. Some were recalling stories of their own pregnancies. Others were asking if they could place their hand on my stomach to feel the movement.
Although everyone was sharing in my excitement (clearly in their own way) about my new party trick, it was so fascinating how different the males and females reacted from each other. Learning this among the many, many other things I have learned through out this pregnancy is that men will NEVER understand what women go through in pregnancy.
On a side note, we saw the high risk Doctor a few weeks back. Everything looks great! Baby Perla is still in the breech position and may or may not be able to turn to the “head down” position due to the “shelf” in the sac. The C-section decision will be made around the 35-36 week mark, depending on if Baby Perla has been able to turn or not. If a C-section is the route we have to go, it will be scheduled about 1 week before my actual due date. We will go back to the high risk Doctor in a few weeks for another Ultrasound and to see what the baby has been up to!
Friday, August 29, 2008
The Lull (a-bye-bye)
Baby Perla and I have completed a major milestone – we have passed the ½ way mark of this pregnancy! I am 24 weeks along so far, which means only 16 weeks to go. While it feels great to be over ½ way finished with this phase, I feel this is just the calm before the storm.
I consider this time to be the ‘tweener stage. I am in between phases. I am in the second trimester right now and there isn’t much we can do in preparation for the baby. We will reach the start of the third trimester in a few weeks. For right now, things are pretty quiet. Once we hit the third trimester things will start moving along quickly.
I am guessing the third trimester is a busy one when it is your first baby. At first I thought that it is total crap that they make the third trimester the longest of the three – 14 weeks. But, there may be some logic to that because there is a lot to do. There are the usual and customary things like decorating the nursery and attending Baby Showers. Then there are the other things that life throws at us. We are coming up on the holidays in my third trimester so that will be interesting. I will have all my Christmas shopping done by the beginning of December (wishful thinking). Work related duties will need to be farmed out to my co-workers before I go on Maternity Leave. To add to the gamut, I have signed up for Pre-Natal Water Aerobics two times a week. Not only do I have to physically prepare for the baby to arrive, I need to mentally prepare. Maybe rookie moms are never completely mentally prepared for what is about to hit them once the baby is home. Experienced moms have gone to great lengths to warn me of the lack of sleep and lack of “me” time that I will endure. They tell me how frustrating and painful breast-feeding can be until we get the hang of it. They have advised me on how much our life is going to change. But, I can’t help but think that no matter how much I try to prepare myself for this arrival, as a new mom, I will never be completely mentally ready. No matter how many books I read I will not be ready. Me? Not ready for something that I know is coming? To top it off, there is nothing I can do it about it!
So here we are again, Baby Perla already reiterating one of life’s lessons. I am learning (again) that no matter how much I try to plan our way down life’s winding path that I should always remember to plan for surprises.
For now, I will enjoy this quiet time while Baby Perla continues to cook in my oven. I am looking forward to all the surprises that will come with the next trimester, no matter how busy and crazy it may be. I will read up on as much information as possible. I will continue to listen to the knowledgeable words of all the veteran moms that I know out there. And, somehow I will still be completely surprised at how much our life will change when this baby arrives.
I consider this time to be the ‘tweener stage. I am in between phases. I am in the second trimester right now and there isn’t much we can do in preparation for the baby. We will reach the start of the third trimester in a few weeks. For right now, things are pretty quiet. Once we hit the third trimester things will start moving along quickly.
I am guessing the third trimester is a busy one when it is your first baby. At first I thought that it is total crap that they make the third trimester the longest of the three – 14 weeks. But, there may be some logic to that because there is a lot to do. There are the usual and customary things like decorating the nursery and attending Baby Showers. Then there are the other things that life throws at us. We are coming up on the holidays in my third trimester so that will be interesting. I will have all my Christmas shopping done by the beginning of December (wishful thinking). Work related duties will need to be farmed out to my co-workers before I go on Maternity Leave. To add to the gamut, I have signed up for Pre-Natal Water Aerobics two times a week. Not only do I have to physically prepare for the baby to arrive, I need to mentally prepare. Maybe rookie moms are never completely mentally prepared for what is about to hit them once the baby is home. Experienced moms have gone to great lengths to warn me of the lack of sleep and lack of “me” time that I will endure. They tell me how frustrating and painful breast-feeding can be until we get the hang of it. They have advised me on how much our life is going to change. But, I can’t help but think that no matter how much I try to prepare myself for this arrival, as a new mom, I will never be completely mentally ready. No matter how many books I read I will not be ready. Me? Not ready for something that I know is coming? To top it off, there is nothing I can do it about it!
So here we are again, Baby Perla already reiterating one of life’s lessons. I am learning (again) that no matter how much I try to plan our way down life’s winding path that I should always remember to plan for surprises.
For now, I will enjoy this quiet time while Baby Perla continues to cook in my oven. I am looking forward to all the surprises that will come with the next trimester, no matter how busy and crazy it may be. I will read up on as much information as possible. I will continue to listen to the knowledgeable words of all the veteran moms that I know out there. And, somehow I will still be completely surprised at how much our life will change when this baby arrives.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Kick me baby one more time…
While I am not planning on following in any proverbial parenting footsteps that Britney Spears has laid (literally), I did think it was a good title for this new chapter in My Adventures in Pregnancy tale. As you may be able to guess from the title, I am (finally) feeling a lot of movement from this baby in my tummy.
I am now 21 weeks pregnant, which means we are halfway through this pregnancy! Kindly, Mother Nature helps pregnant women celebrate this milestone by giving them a good kick in the gut! All kidding aside, it is an amazing feeling to start feeling this strange little movement. Feeling the baby move around and kick calms me down by reaffirming that there is a live, growing baby inside me. Before now, we had to rely on Ultrasounds to show us the wiggles and jerks, but now I can actually feel them. I even can tell when it has the hiccups (I promise I am not drinking any wine)! My wise friends and family who have given birth before have let me in on the secret that in the beginning the kicking is great, but as the baby grows so does the intensity of the kicks. I can add middle of the night jabs to the ribs, bladder and stomach to my already restless nights of Brian snoring, trips to the bathroom and our dogs whining.
Some people say that this is Mother Nature’s way of preparing the mommy-to-be for middle of the night feedings, diaper changes and whatever else happens with infants in the middle of the night (I am unsure of what those things are yet). I say forget that….I need my sleep now! I know that once this baby is here, I will have a whole new set of worries to conjure up that will keep me up at night.
As for now, I love the little reminders through out the day that our baby offers of its life within me. Until these little reminders turn into some sort of Kung Fu Fighting match, I guess I roll with the punches (pun completely intended).
Love,
Linds
I am now 21 weeks pregnant, which means we are halfway through this pregnancy! Kindly, Mother Nature helps pregnant women celebrate this milestone by giving them a good kick in the gut! All kidding aside, it is an amazing feeling to start feeling this strange little movement. Feeling the baby move around and kick calms me down by reaffirming that there is a live, growing baby inside me. Before now, we had to rely on Ultrasounds to show us the wiggles and jerks, but now I can actually feel them. I even can tell when it has the hiccups (I promise I am not drinking any wine)! My wise friends and family who have given birth before have let me in on the secret that in the beginning the kicking is great, but as the baby grows so does the intensity of the kicks. I can add middle of the night jabs to the ribs, bladder and stomach to my already restless nights of Brian snoring, trips to the bathroom and our dogs whining.
Some people say that this is Mother Nature’s way of preparing the mommy-to-be for middle of the night feedings, diaper changes and whatever else happens with infants in the middle of the night (I am unsure of what those things are yet). I say forget that….I need my sleep now! I know that once this baby is here, I will have a whole new set of worries to conjure up that will keep me up at night.
As for now, I love the little reminders through out the day that our baby offers of its life within me. Until these little reminders turn into some sort of Kung Fu Fighting match, I guess I roll with the punches (pun completely intended).
Love,
Linds
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Beans...Beans...Beans
We had our 20 week ultrasound this morning with our high risk doctor. The good news is that it looks like the tear or separation has remedied itself, so I should not have any more bleeding. However, it did lead to an excess amount of tissue to grow within the gestational sac. This extra tissue is considered to be a ledge or shelf of tissue (where else is he/she supposed to display their trophies?). It is a bit tricky to visualize, so stay with me. Imagine a jelly bean or kidney bean (gestational sac) lying on its side, horizontally. Imagine a vertical line from top to bottom on the last third of the bean. Although this line (shelf) extends from top to bottom (vertically) it does not extend from front to back. This is what makes it a shelf-like structure with a base and a free edge. Who can blame the baby for compartmentalizing the place?
The baby is currently residing most of its body within the larger two-thirds of the bean and can still make use of the other third of space within the bean. Limbs can reach over the shelf to the other side to stretch out. The problem with this shelf is in the later months it may prevent the baby from flipping around to its “head down” position in preparation for birth. The baby is currently in breech (side lying) position and if the shelf gets in the way of the baby flipping, I may have to have a planned C-Section.
The Doctor spent some time explaining to us that this is different from Amniotic Band Syndrome, which is a wall of tissue that completely cuts off part of the bean. He told me to be careful when researching on the internet because when people do have Amniotic Band Syndrome (which I do not) the baby can get body parts enmeshed or tangled in the tissue which can lead to amputation of that part or limb. It has never happened that a baby has gotten any limbs or body parts caught within shelf-like tissue due to the small size of the shelf. So, I should breathe deep and be careful of what I read.
So, here we are again asking, “What does all that mean?” It means more of my favorite game of “wait and see”! There is nothing we can do in the meantime. The baby may be able to flip around or may not. We see the high risk doctor again on September 8. I swear, this pregnancy is really testing me! Or, maybe our baby is already teaching me life lessons about patience, faith and not sweating the small stuff.
The baby is currently residing most of its body within the larger two-thirds of the bean and can still make use of the other third of space within the bean. Limbs can reach over the shelf to the other side to stretch out. The problem with this shelf is in the later months it may prevent the baby from flipping around to its “head down” position in preparation for birth. The baby is currently in breech (side lying) position and if the shelf gets in the way of the baby flipping, I may have to have a planned C-Section.
The Doctor spent some time explaining to us that this is different from Amniotic Band Syndrome, which is a wall of tissue that completely cuts off part of the bean. He told me to be careful when researching on the internet because when people do have Amniotic Band Syndrome (which I do not) the baby can get body parts enmeshed or tangled in the tissue which can lead to amputation of that part or limb. It has never happened that a baby has gotten any limbs or body parts caught within shelf-like tissue due to the small size of the shelf. So, I should breathe deep and be careful of what I read.
So, here we are again asking, “What does all that mean?” It means more of my favorite game of “wait and see”! There is nothing we can do in the meantime. The baby may be able to flip around or may not. We see the high risk doctor again on September 8. I swear, this pregnancy is really testing me! Or, maybe our baby is already teaching me life lessons about patience, faith and not sweating the small stuff.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Somewhere....over the rainbow
Nothing is new on the internal workings of my pregnancy this week, so I have had time to conjure up a whole new set of things to occupy my mind.
As you may be able to tell from my picture, my belly popped. With this new and exciting time, come a whole new slew of complaints, questions, realizations and wonders that I so lovingly and constantly share with Brian. There are the obvious ones, such as, “I have nothing to wear,” to “Okay, really, how big am I going to get?” Then there is, “I wonder if I am going to get that dark, vertical line (linea negra) on my belly that makes me look like a teddy bear?” and “Do you think people can tell I am pregnant or do they think I have just gained weight?” Then, of course there is, “Holy crap*, there is a baby coming in a couple of months!”
Although I have been quite aware that a baby is coming into our lives in December, it seemed so surreal, until now. I have become a bit overwhelmed. I know you are thinking, “What would a well adjusted, stress-free, go with the flow person like Lindsay do in a situation where she is overwhelmed?” (Luckily, I can make fun of myself) Well, I organize! I started making lists and delegating tasks. I have a list of what needs to be done around the house before this baby comes. Brian is thrilled by my lists (wow, the sarcasm is dripping off of that statement). I have even color-coded Brian’s task list in red, orange and yellow in case he gets confused regarding what the top priorities are. By the way, I wanted them all done yesterday. No room for error, right? Oh, except for the fact that Brian is ready to commit me and my rainbow colored lists.
Most women know that pregnancy does strange things to your body and your mind. In this case, it has merely made me crazy. I know I am not the only crazy pregnant lady out there. We come from all walks of life and we are not few and far between. But, I am pretty sure that I am the only crazy pregnant lady who has color-coded her husband’s Honey-Do list. At least I hope so.
Linds
*Clearly edited.
As you may be able to tell from my picture, my belly popped. With this new and exciting time, come a whole new slew of complaints, questions, realizations and wonders that I so lovingly and constantly share with Brian. There are the obvious ones, such as, “I have nothing to wear,” to “Okay, really, how big am I going to get?” Then there is, “I wonder if I am going to get that dark, vertical line (linea negra) on my belly that makes me look like a teddy bear?” and “Do you think people can tell I am pregnant or do they think I have just gained weight?” Then, of course there is, “Holy crap*, there is a baby coming in a couple of months!”
Although I have been quite aware that a baby is coming into our lives in December, it seemed so surreal, until now. I have become a bit overwhelmed. I know you are thinking, “What would a well adjusted, stress-free, go with the flow person like Lindsay do in a situation where she is overwhelmed?” (Luckily, I can make fun of myself) Well, I organize! I started making lists and delegating tasks. I have a list of what needs to be done around the house before this baby comes. Brian is thrilled by my lists (wow, the sarcasm is dripping off of that statement). I have even color-coded Brian’s task list in red, orange and yellow in case he gets confused regarding what the top priorities are. By the way, I wanted them all done yesterday. No room for error, right? Oh, except for the fact that Brian is ready to commit me and my rainbow colored lists.
Most women know that pregnancy does strange things to your body and your mind. In this case, it has merely made me crazy. I know I am not the only crazy pregnant lady out there. We come from all walks of life and we are not few and far between. But, I am pretty sure that I am the only crazy pregnant lady who has color-coded her husband’s Honey-Do list. At least I hope so.
Linds
*Clearly edited.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Trains and lightbulbs...
I get it. I really get it. I know that I am not in control of what is happening and I have accepted that (as much as I can, at least). So far, I thought that was it. I thought now I have to deal with all this, poor me, I have no choice. What I didn’t realize is that I am in control. Not in the sense of controlling what is happening to me, but very much so in how I respond to the situation. I do have control over my thoughts and that is what I have to change. As you may have figured out by now, I really like quoting quotes. This one changed it all for me, As soon as you accept the idea that you are in control of your thoughts you will be able to create your own happiness. - Lucy MacDonald. There you go, how easy was that?
So, I will not continue to play the “why me?” card. I will not allow the “negative thought trains” (thanks, Julie!) into the train station that resides within my head. I will take control of my thoughts by being aware of what trains enter and which ones are banned from the station for bringing trouble. This is what will help change my attitude. Most of all, I will have faith. This situation may be out of my hands, but I am putting it in the hands of somebody much bigger and stronger than me – and that feels good.
I guess you can’t believe that it took me almost 30 years to figure out that I have been in control of situations since the beginning. I just couldn’t see the forest from the trees (there I go again). Well, I never said I was a fast learner. Like any other stubborn person out there, I have to figure things out my own way, on my own time. Only then will I have what Oprah calls, the light bulb moment!
By the way, I have had a little more bleeding, but it is considered "old" blood because of the color. The Doctor says that this blood needs to either be reabsorbed by my body or come out. According to the Doctor, it is great news that it is not fresh blood. Guess it must be me shedding the "old" me and my negative thoughts...
Much Love....Linds
So, I will not continue to play the “why me?” card. I will not allow the “negative thought trains” (thanks, Julie!) into the train station that resides within my head. I will take control of my thoughts by being aware of what trains enter and which ones are banned from the station for bringing trouble. This is what will help change my attitude. Most of all, I will have faith. This situation may be out of my hands, but I am putting it in the hands of somebody much bigger and stronger than me – and that feels good.
I guess you can’t believe that it took me almost 30 years to figure out that I have been in control of situations since the beginning. I just couldn’t see the forest from the trees (there I go again). Well, I never said I was a fast learner. Like any other stubborn person out there, I have to figure things out my own way, on my own time. Only then will I have what Oprah calls, the light bulb moment!
By the way, I have had a little more bleeding, but it is considered "old" blood because of the color. The Doctor says that this blood needs to either be reabsorbed by my body or come out. According to the Doctor, it is great news that it is not fresh blood. Guess it must be me shedding the "old" me and my negative thoughts...
Much Love....Linds
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Take a deep breath..but not too deep......
We had our appointment this morning with the Perinatologist, Dr. McCulloch. First, we had an Ultrasound which looked great. The baby was moving around and the heartbeat was strong. The growth is fantastic and the baby is measuring a day ahead of schedule (what a little go-getter we have). This ultrasound was special because we got to see the entire spinal cord, the brain and even the individual toes and fingers. What a sense of relief! Once the Doc came in he did another quick Ultrasound to measure the "tear". What we thought was a tear is actually more of a separation of layers. A small separating of the chorion (the outermost of the two fetal membranes) and the amnion (the innermost), which together surround the fetus. The chorion develops villi (vascular fingers) and gives rise to the placenta. Think of the layers of an onion, but much thicker, almost leather-like. When women have a CVS (chorion villus sampling) test done during their pregnancy, the Doctor inserts a needle through the abdomen to gather the villi which can tell the mother-to-be of any genetic complications. I did not get this done, but thought I would mention it since you may be familiar with the term chorian.
So, where does this leave us? The Doctor could not tell if there was blood pooling in the area in between the two layers. The only way to know would be to poke around and see for himself, which he was not willing to do because that could cause major complications. He felt that since I was not bleeding or cramping and the baby was growing ahead of schedule that these positives outweigh the small separation of layers issue. He suggested that I stop Pilates, not lift anything over 10 lbs and take it easy. I will see him again on the 29th of July for another Ultrasound and we will go from there.
For now he told us to breathe easy and relax. I'll breathe, but I won't take too deep of a breath (the forever pessimist)! Brian, of course, feels that we are out of the woods and good to go (the forever optimist). Although this is good news, I am unsure of how I feel. I am a very black and white person and this seems to have gray all over it. I wanted to go in and come out with a definitive answer, "Yes, Lindsay the tear has gone away and you have nothing to worry about", or "No, the tear is larger and this is what we are going to do to fix it." So, we continue to play my least favorite game of "wait and see."
Thank you so much for your love, support, prayers and positive thoughts! We appreciate it immensely.
Love,
Linds and Brian
So, where does this leave us? The Doctor could not tell if there was blood pooling in the area in between the two layers. The only way to know would be to poke around and see for himself, which he was not willing to do because that could cause major complications. He felt that since I was not bleeding or cramping and the baby was growing ahead of schedule that these positives outweigh the small separation of layers issue. He suggested that I stop Pilates, not lift anything over 10 lbs and take it easy. I will see him again on the 29th of July for another Ultrasound and we will go from there.
For now he told us to breathe easy and relax. I'll breathe, but I won't take too deep of a breath (the forever pessimist)! Brian, of course, feels that we are out of the woods and good to go (the forever optimist). Although this is good news, I am unsure of how I feel. I am a very black and white person and this seems to have gray all over it. I wanted to go in and come out with a definitive answer, "Yes, Lindsay the tear has gone away and you have nothing to worry about", or "No, the tear is larger and this is what we are going to do to fix it." So, we continue to play my least favorite game of "wait and see."
Thank you so much for your love, support, prayers and positive thoughts! We appreciate it immensely.
Love,
Linds and Brian
Friday, June 27, 2008
If worrying were an Olympic sport, I'd win the gold for sure.
I spend a lot of time worrying. I worry about things that are out of my control. I worry about things that haven't even happened and will probably never happen. The thing is...I let it consume me. I live with a huge question mark in my brain thinking of questions and all of them start with, "What if...?" It's funny how no matter how much I worry and ask the "what if" questions, I never come up with an answer or a solution. Worrying is essentially useless, but we all do it. Some of us more than others.
I think there are several reasons for my exhaustive worrying. I am sure I worry to trick myself into thinking that if I worry enough, then I will be mentally and emotionally prepared in case the worse-case-scenario happens. But, it doesn't work that way. Because even if the worse-case-scenario happens in my current situation, I will still be devastated, no matter how much I worry about it in advance. Basically, I just don't want the worse-case-scenario to happen. Maybe if I worry enough, the situation will turn itself around. Unfortunately for me, that is out of my hands. I am sure that I worry to make myself feel like I have some control over the situation at hand. That surely doesn't help because in this situation, I am not the one that controls the outcome.
So, what do I do? I know, take it one day at time, stay positive. That is easier said than done. My extremely optimistic and positive husband helps me get through each day. We are looking forward to our appointment with the High Risk Doctor on Tuesday morning. Things are looking good as of right now because the bleeding has stopped for almost 2 days. Although this is great news, I will continue to worry. And don't you worry, if I didn't have this going on, I would surely find something else to worry about!
"Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere." ~Glenn Turner
Much Love,
Lindsay and Brian
I think there are several reasons for my exhaustive worrying. I am sure I worry to trick myself into thinking that if I worry enough, then I will be mentally and emotionally prepared in case the worse-case-scenario happens. But, it doesn't work that way. Because even if the worse-case-scenario happens in my current situation, I will still be devastated, no matter how much I worry about it in advance. Basically, I just don't want the worse-case-scenario to happen. Maybe if I worry enough, the situation will turn itself around. Unfortunately for me, that is out of my hands. I am sure that I worry to make myself feel like I have some control over the situation at hand. That surely doesn't help because in this situation, I am not the one that controls the outcome.
So, what do I do? I know, take it one day at time, stay positive. That is easier said than done. My extremely optimistic and positive husband helps me get through each day. We are looking forward to our appointment with the High Risk Doctor on Tuesday morning. Things are looking good as of right now because the bleeding has stopped for almost 2 days. Although this is great news, I will continue to worry. And don't you worry, if I didn't have this going on, I would surely find something else to worry about!
"Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere." ~Glenn Turner
Much Love,
Lindsay and Brian
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
As if I don't have enough worry warts already!
As you know, Brian and I are expecting our first child this December 18th-ish. We are so thrilled for this gift and are trying to do everything "by the book." While we have been doing everything our Doctor suggests, surprises seem to pop up anyway. A quote from the movie, Dan in Real Life, seems to sum it up, “Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised.” Yep, surprises pop up for all us and as much as we try to plan, plan, plan, it seems the only one constant in our lives is that surprises are one thing we can always count on. It's uncanny how these surprises seem to pop up right when we thought we had it all worked out.
Brian and I were so relieved to make it through the first trimester of this pregnancy without any problems. I was ready to celebrate! We made it to 12 weeks, then 13 and then 14! I was well into my second trimester, feeling tired (as pregnant people do) but felt a huge sense of accomplishment and relief. I was thinking, "Wow, I can finally relax. The chance of miscarriage at this point is under 10%." So, right as I am feeling nice and relaxed......everything changes.
Here comes life's surprise curve ball.....I start to bleed. As I rush to the bathroom and see the large amount of blood, I call Brian who is in Denver traveling on business. I tried to tell him in between hyperventilating that there was blood. He called my sister, Lesley, she came right over in a flash. Actually, so fast that she didn't even have a chance to put a bra on! We rushed to the ER and had an Ultrasound. I was able to take a deep breath...we were filled with relief, the baby was fine. It actually had the hiccups and was wiggling all over the place. Unfortunately, the bleeding was due to a Subchorionic hemorrhage. A small part of the placenta had torn away from the uterine lining. The good news is the baby's heartbeat is strong and my cervix is still closed. So, now one of a few things can happen.
1. My body heals the tear on its own, I stop bleeding and go on to have a normal pregnancy. Vote for this one!
2. The tear does not heal itself, but also does not get much larger. I continue to bleed through out the rest of my pregnancy, until I deliver. This could mean pre-mature labor and low birth weight.
3. The placenta tears completley away from the uterine lining and I miscarry. This is the worst-case-scenario.
I am now considered a "High Risk Pregnancy" and will see a Perinatal Specialist in the next week. They will monitor the size of the tear which will hopefully get smaller. I am not on bed-rest, so that is good news. Although, I have taken the last two days off of work, awake with worry all night (late night TV sucks) and asleep during the day (daytime TV sucks).
So, now it is a game of what the Doctors call "Wait and See". If you know me at all, you know this is one of my least favorite games. Not only is my anxiety level peaking at its max, I also have no control over the outcome. So, the universe is telling me I must let go, relax (does anyone have any instructions on that?) and give my body a chance to try and heal this tear.
We will keep you posted on this wonderful adventure (can you hear the sarcasm?) they call Pregnancy.
Much Love,
Lindsay and Brian
Brian and I were so relieved to make it through the first trimester of this pregnancy without any problems. I was ready to celebrate! We made it to 12 weeks, then 13 and then 14! I was well into my second trimester, feeling tired (as pregnant people do) but felt a huge sense of accomplishment and relief. I was thinking, "Wow, I can finally relax. The chance of miscarriage at this point is under 10%." So, right as I am feeling nice and relaxed......everything changes.
Here comes life's surprise curve ball.....I start to bleed. As I rush to the bathroom and see the large amount of blood, I call Brian who is in Denver traveling on business. I tried to tell him in between hyperventilating that there was blood. He called my sister, Lesley, she came right over in a flash. Actually, so fast that she didn't even have a chance to put a bra on! We rushed to the ER and had an Ultrasound. I was able to take a deep breath...we were filled with relief, the baby was fine. It actually had the hiccups and was wiggling all over the place. Unfortunately, the bleeding was due to a Subchorionic hemorrhage. A small part of the placenta had torn away from the uterine lining. The good news is the baby's heartbeat is strong and my cervix is still closed. So, now one of a few things can happen.
1. My body heals the tear on its own, I stop bleeding and go on to have a normal pregnancy. Vote for this one!
2. The tear does not heal itself, but also does not get much larger. I continue to bleed through out the rest of my pregnancy, until I deliver. This could mean pre-mature labor and low birth weight.
3. The placenta tears completley away from the uterine lining and I miscarry. This is the worst-case-scenario.
I am now considered a "High Risk Pregnancy" and will see a Perinatal Specialist in the next week. They will monitor the size of the tear which will hopefully get smaller. I am not on bed-rest, so that is good news. Although, I have taken the last two days off of work, awake with worry all night (late night TV sucks) and asleep during the day (daytime TV sucks).
So, now it is a game of what the Doctors call "Wait and See". If you know me at all, you know this is one of my least favorite games. Not only is my anxiety level peaking at its max, I also have no control over the outcome. So, the universe is telling me I must let go, relax (does anyone have any instructions on that?) and give my body a chance to try and heal this tear.
We will keep you posted on this wonderful adventure (can you hear the sarcasm?) they call Pregnancy.
Much Love,
Lindsay and Brian
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